Immune Response
by Devin Trinidad
Summary: In which the neutrophils speculate a little about the supposed more-than-friendship-relationship between U-1146 and AE-3803.


There was nothing U-2001 liked more than cutting open a couple of bacterium straight after he had drank some green tea. The rush and exhilaration that came from annihilating bacteria was an enjoyment unto itself. 2001 couldn't imagine a life where he wasn't a white blood cell. If he had chosen to differentiate from a myelocyte to an eosinophil, or god forbid, a basophil, he didn't think that he would have loved his job as much. However, philosophical discussions were more U-1146's thing, or perhaps U-2048.

What mattered was the here and now.

And phagocytizing the bacterium.

Good grief, they tasted horrible, but it was for a good cause.

As 2001 continued to feast, a young and irritating voice popped up behind him.

"2001! I've been looking for you," U-4989 announced brightly as he stepped over the leftover carcasses of scattered bacteria. "Geeze, are you leaving some for the macrophages? I've seen a few of them congregating to this area, but they're taking their sweet time."

2001 shrugged but offered his neutrophil colleague a bite of his kill. To his utter surprise, 4989 waved away his gesture of goodwill—that wasn't too weird, but the look of utter exasperation and curiosity was. As he swallowed the last of the bacterium as he could, 2001 stood up and wiped the cytosol that was on his face onto the back of his hand. As he pulled his hand away, he noticed that came back bright red.

Hmm, looks like he would have to freshen up at a neutrophil cleaning station.

"Yo, did you need anything, 4989? If not, I'll be heading to the nearest cleaning station."

"Yeah! Have you noticed anything different about 1146?"

That definitely caught 2001's attention. Although he thoroughly appreciated his fellow neutrophil brethren and the rest of the immune cells, he was a little perturbed that 1146 liked to associate with other cells. It wasn't like it was a bad idea to hang out with the locale—heck, 2001 liked to play with the platelets every once in a while—but wasn't it bad for their reputation? They were killers through and through. No amount of sweet sugary conversations with the normal populace—and one particular red blood cell—could change their main aspects: that of a seasoned killing machine.

Regardless, why did 4989 care?

"He isn't infected with anything, right?" 2001 mused rhetorically. It was nigh impossible for immune cells to become compromised—in his own humble terms, of course—but that didn't mean that there wasn't some kind of virus out there hellbent on infecting the immune system.

"Ah, no...nothing like that." The young white blood cell looked away in an abashed manner. Honestly, 4989 knew that he shouldn't pry into business that wasn't his own, but frankly, he was curious about certain _developments_. "It's just that...um, 1146 seems to be stuck in his head more often than not. Haven't you noticed?"

2001 hadn't.

To be fair, 2001 didn't really pay attention to much unless there was a bacterium with his name on it. As for 1146 having his nuclei stuck in the clouds, well, 1146 was always the more reserved of their makeshift group. Even when he was a young myelocyte, 2001 observed that he usually kept to himself, but was he was more than willing to play tag and hide-and-seek with the rest of them. Still, though, if 4989 was concerned, maybe there was something interesting to learn in this odd little scenario.

"You think we should look into it, 2001?" 4989 continued to press on.

"Meh, I have nothing better to do...aside from getting all of this germ's cytosol off my uniform."

* * *

And so, both neutrophils found themselves in a washroom. 4989 had taken it upon himself to scrub the stains from 2001's arms while the other neutrophil focused on his legs. In record timing, 2001 found himself fresh enough to start patrolling the body once again—with 4989 tagging alongside him. As they walked, both neutrophils exchanged a few circumstances in which a particular red blood cell happened along their neutrophil brother.

"Remember that time where 1146 saved that red blood cell from a Pneumococcus bacterium? He looked suave and dashing, right?"

"Hmm?" 2001 hummed in disinterest. "It's our job to save the rest of the cells from attacks. How we look while doing that shouldn't affect how we work."

"Ah, er, of course! But like—"

"2001! 4989!" U-2626 called out. Although his bangs covered most of his eyesight, he could still see that two of his favorite colleagues were heading in his direction. Having migrated from a vent to the regular side of a blood vessel, he was quite shocked that he had bumped into his colleagues. It was more likely for all of them to meet up when there was an emergency that called for neutrophil backup. "What brings you around this region of the body?"

"Still sporting that haircut, 2626? You know that's against regulation."

"And I have yet to have a formal complaint lodged against me, eh?" 2626 cheekily smiled before he looked curiously at the strange pair. "I didn't know you were patrolling together, why didn't you invite me?"

"Ah," 4989 scratched the back of his head, the skin under his collar heating up a little. "We're not patrolling, per se—"

"I'm patrolling. He's yammering his head off with business that doesn't concern him." 2001 corrected.

"—but we were discussing 1146 and his little red blood cell friend."

2626 cocked his head to the side.

"4989, I hate to reprimand you since you're still fairly new to the neutrophil business, but we neutrophils make it a point not to associate with other's business unless faced with a virus or bacteria."

Looking properly chastised, 4989 made as if to retract his statement, but 2626 carried forward with another phrase.

"Now with that said, what gossip have you got for me!"

Although 4989 looked pleased, albeit a little flabbergasted at the change in tone at his senior's voice, 2001 merely shook his head.

"Since you got yourself a new partner, can I leave and properly patrol?"

* * *

2048 felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up mere nanoseconds before the receptor on his hat began to ping with rapid intensity. With a start, he jumped up from his resting position before he grabbed a knife from one of his legs. As he ran in the direction of a disturbance nearby, he pushed through a throng of red blood cells—wait, that one screaming her head off, was that 1146's friend?—and came across a rod shaped bacterium. Even without tasting the germ's flesh did 2048 instantly know what it was.

" _Shigella dysenteriae_! The cause of shigellosis, prepare to die!" With a running start, the white blood cell launched himself to the air and bore his knife down straight into the bacterium's gaping maw. With a horrible roar, the bacterium shuddered before blanketing the surrounding area with a sticky layer of cytosol.

As 2048 dusted off his pants and smeared the cytosol, he noticed that there were even more Shigella bacteria scampering off into different directions. Knowing that he was outnumbered, he grabbed his transceiver and requested for backup.

"Number 2001 reporting along with Numbers 4989 and 2626."

"Roger."

At that moment, he jumped back into the fray again, the sound of his brethren's yelling sounding like a sweet symphony in his ears.

"Geeze, are you guys getting old? I swear, I could finish all of these bacterium in the time it took you to get here."

"Hush up, 2048," 2001 ordered as he punched a bacterium into submission. "Neutrophils aren't meant to boast or brag, we're here to finish off these invaders."

"So serious," 2048 grimaced as he pierced the membrane of another Shigella bacterium. "Anyway, I gotta ask, I didn't expect you three to be together."

At his unasked question, 2001 rolled his eyes and grit out a stressed, "If you ask me, it's all 4989's fault and 2626's meddling. I've nothing to do with it."

"Okay...remind me to pursue this conversation later."

They nodded and separated.

"DIE GERMS!"

* * *

2001 thought that this was getting tedious and predictable.

2048 didn't know what 2001 was talking about.

2626 and 4989 whispered between themselves, a look of mischief getting passed between them.

"Hey, listen up, you two! 4989 and I want to test out a theory of ours." 2626 held up a little notepad that he retrieved from the pocket of his uniform (which pocket, none of the others knew where—their uniforms didn't always allow the comfort of having empty pockets most of the time). "According to our hypothesis, we believe that our favorite neutrophil brother, U-1146, may or may not be closely affiliated with the red blood cell, AE-3803."

"But...we already knew that." 2001 couldn't help but say. "We already know that they're friends. What else do we have to investigate?" As an afterthought, he added, "Not that we have to investigate anything, mind you. Can't we just accept that he has a social life while the rest of us are weirdos?"

"HOW DARE—"

"4989, he's got a point. All we do is scare the other cells with and kill anything that looks strange." 2626 mused as he tried to wrestle the upstart from punching 2001 at his implied insult.

2048, who had been silently listening to their conversation for quite some time piped up.

"While I do agree with 2001 here, why not test your theory out? Er, whatever it is, that is."

"Ah, yes!" Grinning proudly, 2626 brandished his notepad and pointed to a diagram that had barely legible handwriting and weird doodles in the margins. "Today, we neutrophils will kidnap an erythrocyte!"

* * *

AE-3803 licked her lollipop as she idly walked through the lungs to the nearest station that housed the packages of oxygen. She had taken a little break after several consecutive circuits around the body and had taken to replenishing her store of glucose before returning. As she neared one of the alveoli, she heard a slight rustline behind her. She whipped her head around, thinking that it was another red blood cell like her, but finding no one, turned away. However, as she did so, she felt the hairs on the back of her stand in erect attention.

"Is it just me," she mumbled quietly to herself as she tapped the sweet treat against her bottom lip, "or am I being followed?" As she was about to enter a storage room, there was a—yowl? scream?—yodeling sound that had the erythrocyte dropping the lollipop from her mouth to the floor.

One part of her mourned the loss of her lollipop while the other part of her, a shriller more scared part of her, screamed for her to get away and seek cover! Unfortunately, all she could see was a group of white uniformed...cells? Grabbing, blindfolding, and tying her up.

There was one final thought racing through her head as she felt herself succumb to the eerie darkness of slumber.

Was it too much for her to ask for a new lollipop?

* * *

When the young erythrocyte awoke from a spontaneous knock to the nuclei (or rather, lack thereof), she didn't know what to think at first. Where was she? Why couldn't she see? Why couldn't her arms and legs move? And most importantly:

How many packages of oxygen and carbon dioxide did she fail to deliver?

"Umm, hello?" AE-3803 called out. Instantly, she wanted to crawl up in a corner and go through apoptosis. What a stupid move! What if it was some kind of bacterium or parasite holding her hostage? What kind of twisted, sick, psychotic—

"Ah! Hello, Miss Red Blood Cell! Good to see that you're awake." It was an overly cheerful, male voice—a far cry from the usual grating voices of invaders.

Although, that begged the question: if she was being tied up by beings that were not bacteria or viruses, then just what she was up against?

"C-could you untie me?" At the very least, she reasoned, she could see what it was before she was hemolysed. "Please?"

"Of course!"

And that's when things went from bad to downright odd.

Standing before her were four white blood cells of the neutrophil variety. Aside from the differing hairstyles and ID tags on the brims of their hats, there was virtually nothing separating each other's identities. Seeing that they didn't brandish any of their weapons at her or yelling "ANTIGEN SIGHTED", she relaxed.

Marginally.

The circumstance just begged another question.

Why would some immune cells tie her up and knock her out?

"So...umm?" How did one exactly go about addressing her kidnappers—who, she might add, were tasked with keeping the body's cells safe from all harm. Were they brainwashed or something? Or was something wrong with her? "How do you do?"

"I called it! She's far cuter than anyone could have ever imagined!" One of them, a guy with buggy eyes exclaimed in a fanatic way...which kind of reminded her of when they were chasing antigens.

"4989," a straight laced neutrophil commanded, "you're scaring her!" This neutrophil addressed her in what appeared to be in an apologetic manner. "Sorry for all of this, 2626 and 4989 were adamant that they meet you."

A neutrophil with bangs covering his eyes—how the heck could he kill germs if he can't see?—waved at her while holding a notepad.

"Hey there! I'm 2626 and I have a few questions to ask concerning your affiliation with—"

Another neutrophil cut in—2048, AE-3803 read.

"Don't mind the fanboys, they're just really curious."

"2048, don't interrupt my important science experiment! It's imperative that—"

Tuning them out, the red blood cell turned to the only neutrophil who looked a little remorseful and had a tiny shred of sanity.

"Is it okay if I run away? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be here and I gotta do my job, ya know?" _Not to mention the fact that she wasn't too sure that these neutrophils were sane._

For goodness sake, they could go from bickering amongst themselves to phagocytizing her!

2001 shrugged before offering his arm.

"Honestly, the lot of them are complete idiots. I'll be happy to take you back to the alveoli."

"Thanks, Mr. Neutrophil!"

"Ah, no need for formalities. Just call me 2001."

As they walked back to the alveoli, the three remaining neutrophils remained fighting amongst themselves.

* * *

If 2001 had any assumptions about the red blood cell that usually tagged around 1146, they were finally laid to rest. Although she was a bit slow on the uptake and prone to wandering, she was till curious and pleasant to talk to. She had a bright demeanor, a love for her job, and a smile that was quite infectious.

Now, 2001 could confidently say that he understood by what 1146 was getting at when he suggested that they mingle with other cells.

The fact that AE-3803 was as genuine as they come and just as cute did nothing to cement his theory.

"Hey, 2001?" The neutrophil in question looked down at his companion as the red blood cell finally asked what she was wondering. "Why did you and the other neutrophils kidnap me in the first place?"

"Oh. That."

"Yes. That."

Seeing that lying would get him nowhere—not that he liked lying in the first place—he opted for telling her the truth.

"We wanted to know if your friendship with 1146 was more than that."

Was her face burning? Surely not, red blood cells couldn't get sick!

"Ah, er…" If she wasn't wearing her uniform, the redness in her face could easily identify her as an erythrocyte. "We're just friends?"

Even to her ears, it didn't sound like the truth.

Then again, she never thought about her relationship with her favorite white blood cell could extend to more than what it was. How would that even work in the first place? They were both cells bound to the body and their duties. Furthermore, two cells who were acting chummy with each other could just be that—friends. And what were the neutrophils thinking? Did they honestly think that kidnapping her would lead to-to...to what? A confession?

Well, that certainly wasn't the case because AE-3803 wanted to make clear that U-1146 was nothing more than—

She blinked as a white gloved hand waved in front of her hazel eyes.

2001 eyed her warily, as if suspecting that she was corrupted or something to help explain why she was so silent for so long.

"You're thinking way too hard over something that should be simple."

"Simple? You just don't kidnap someone over something that you think is simple!"

"Well, to be honest, I just went with it. The cells you should be mad at should be my colleagues, 4989 and 2626. I was there to supervise in case things went out of hand."

To his credit, the neutrophil looked a little ashamed at his lack of doing anything, but that didn't stop the erythrocyte from glaring at him.

"Really? You guys had nothing better to do?"

"There are several other divisions spread across the body. Taking a rest for a couple of hours is encouraged so that we don't get ourselves burned out...lest we should want to go through apoptosis."

"Well when you put it like that…"

2001 shrugged, but smirked at the female erythrocyte.

"We were also bored."

"WHA—"

"Ah, here we are!" U-2001 gestured to the entrance. "I trust that you know the rest of the way to the alveoli?"

AE-3803 cast a critical glance at the entrance before nodding her head. She knew the way well enough to spot a few landmarks and some trusty maps should she need it.

"Thanks for every—Hey! Where did you—?"

She caught a glimpse of her neutrophil escort shimmying down a blood vessel via his ability to migrate across the body.

"Ugh," she mumbled to herself as she stomped her way through the lung's entrance. "Why are the white blood cells so weird?"

* * *

"Did you get it?"

"Did she confess?"

"Did she stutter the entire time?"

2001 stood in front of his fellow neutrophils and found himself internally bemoaning why he hung out with them in the first place. Good grief, they were like myelocytes, except they were armed to the teeth and ten times more annoying.

"No to the first two and yes to the last."

Before any of the white blood cells could either gloat or weep about their expectations, 2001 grabbed a tape recorder that he hid within an inner pocket of his uniform.

"But I got some information that you all might find interesting."

"What information?" 2048 queried. He made a grab for the recorder, but 2001 halted him.

"Before you all start acting like progenitor cells, I'd like to remind you that we shouldn't be messing with 1146's business with the red blood cell."

"Yeah, yeah!" 4989 grabbed the tape recorder and began migrating to another blood vessel, the two other curious white blood cells hit on his heels. "Catch ya later, 2001!"

2001, admittedly a little embarrassed to stoop to such tactics, hoped that after listening to the red blood cell ramble about the most mundane parts of her job, the rest of his colleagues would leave her and 1146 alone.

Good grief, why was everyone acting like young myelocytes all of a sudden?

* * *

"2001, you look a little down. Is something amiss?"

"Hmm, 1146? Ah yes, I recently had to do some undercover work."

"Under...cover?"

"Don't worry too much about it, 1146."

"Then how come I'm getting chills down my back?"


End file.
